22

June 1st. Two months to my 23rd birthday. I dont know if it's mean something or not. My 22 is Taylor Swift's song which is consist of confused, lonely and miserable thing , without happiness and magical story. There's a lot of crying in my bed time. Even in daytime I did too. In several months after my birthday is the worst. Being alone doesnt help me like it used to , moreover it makes me think unbelieveble thing that turn me into bad person. Snap at something  people said or have that envious feeling at anything my sister or my friend have.
Sally, my guitar , become my best companion. She wipe my tears everytime I end up crying while singing the song. It get better this past few months. Have a great time with friends help me a lot. It's decreased my depression as long as the sensitif topic didn't coming out. I'm being so skillfull at lying and it's so hard to tell the truth. The good thing is I tried to opened up about my problems for the first time in my lifetime.
I said 'It's so hard to find happiness nowadays'. And they asked me 'what happened with you to say something like that?' I just laugh and said 'nothing'. I barely know what's going on , how can I tell people what happened.
I'm not good enough to say I'm fine now. Yes I still cry from time to time but not as much as that time. I want to be me who cries at tearjerking movie , not from something barely happened in my life.
It's merely a confession of my unclear  issue and a way to thanks a friend who understand me and still believe in me,  even when I'm not being trustworthy to myself.
Please be with me even when I'm not in my good state. And I'm sorry for being a liar.

P.S. It's not written for specific someone. it's for anyone who read this stupid yet meaningful (for me) thing.